Continuing on from part 1 of this post about my own experiences with depression and how it changes my day to day behaviour, here are a few more examples of what to look out for and some suggestions which might help make things a little easier. These are just my own thoughts and practices and they won’t be useful to everyone but you may find something you can relate to. Please do comment if you have time as I always like to receive feedback on my posts and it’s nice to find new bloggers who have similar experiences to myself.
I’m irritated really easily.
I find when I’m not in the best of moods (which is most of the time) the slightest thing irritates me. The noise of the TV, not being able to get comfortable in bed, dirty dishes (in particular that one dish that someone else put there, all of mine are fine!), in fact anything belonging to anyone else drives me insane, because it’s laying around and not in the exact spot I would choose to put it. Even my clothes irritate me. It takes a half hour to choose what to wear and then I don’t feel comfortable in it. There are so many things that irritate me in my own home that the thought of having to venture outside terrifies me. I’d have to deal with other people who are bound to be annoying, and if public transports involved then forget it. I do try not to let the little things bug me because it makes me even more difficult to be around. Other people just can’t deal with my constant moaning and short temper. So when I find myself becoming annoyed I’ll distract myself with an activity that will clear my head. For me, listening to music is great, or colouring in, or writing in my diary, playing a game on my phone or watching my favourite TV show for half an hour. I often record my TV shows to watch a bit later when I feel I’d benefit from zoning out for a while rather than watching them when they’re aired. Just anything you enjoy doing will help.
I pretend to be busy or I lie about how I’m feeling.
When I’m depressed I try to avoid social situations or anything that requires sticking to a schedule. If friends ask about going for dinner or they’re having a party I’ll pretend I’m busy that day, when really all I plan on doing is lounging around the house in my pyjamas. I’ll only make appointments to do things if it’s absolutely necessary, such as the doctors or the dentist. There’s only a very slim possibility that I’ll be feeling up to socialising or attending an appointment on any given day. I need to see how I’m feeling when the time comes. It’s a huge effort most of the time to push myself to do things. So I’ll pretend I’m busy, it’s easier than having to make up an excuse nearer the time. I’ll also lie about how I’m feeling, for example, when someone’s asked if I’m ok because I’ve been staring into space for the last 10 minutes I’ll reply with, yeah I’m fine. If that isn’t sufficient I’ll add, I’m just a bit tired. This isn’t strictly a lie because I am always tired, but I’m almost certainly not fine. What I want to say is I’m fed up, miserable, irritated by everything and nothing seems to be pleasurable anymore. Having to be awake during the day is pointless and depressing and night times are long and uncomfortable, but no-one wants to hear that and I can’t explain it in a way sufficient enough for the other person to grasp the magnitude of my problems, so it’s easier just to say I’m a bit tired. As for possible solutions for dealing with this type of behaviour I still haven’t come up with any. Perhaps because I’m absolutely fine with avoiding any unnecessary contact with other humans.
I can’t make a decision.
I’m just disinterested in everything, so because of that it’s hard to make a decision. To choose one thing over another you have to like something and have a preference. Whether it’s deciding what to wear even though I’m just sitting in the house, deciding what to eat, choosing something to watch on the TV after reading 105 pages of the TV guide or deciding if I do in fact like that new paint colour I’ve just painted the bedroom in despite me having a dozen paint samples on the wall for at least 6 weeks prior to decorating. Life is just one big conveyor belt of decision making. This is where I do need to have someone else around me to help. If it’s something that has significant consequences like a new paint colour or a purchase then I’ll ask someone close to me to for advice. Getting another opinion is usually helpful. If it’s something relatively simple like choosing what to watch on the TV then I’ll narrow down my options by setting favourite TV channels so I’m not presented with hundreds of pages of TV guides. To help with food choices I always have a list with me when I go shopping to avoid having cupboards full of random crap. As a general guide, having less options is usually easier. I can apply this rule to my wardrobe choices as well. For every new item I buy I’ll sell or donate an old item to prevent my wardrobe getting too full. I’ll also rotate my clothes depending on season. I’ll pack away winter stuff into boxes in the summer and vice versa. Then I’m not so overwhelmed with all the choices every day.
These are just some of the issues I come across from day to day whilst trying to live through depression. There are many more, and I’m sure you’ll have some of your own to add to the list. As I said earlier please feel free to comment and please do let me know if you find any of my suggestions useful.
Thankyou for reading.